I learned a long time ago, that truth is spherical. It exists totally within its sphere of truth. Outside of that sphere, it can change radically.  I can become partial truth, relative truth, qualifed truth, and it can actually become utterly false... and even detrimental... and/or, of course, completely irrelevant.

So... asking me about truth... is kind of a weird thing for me.  It all depends upon where you are in your life, and what you would like to experience.

Each perspective is it's own sphere. Each perspective has its own set of truth.

Usually when I write (or chat) with someone, I discard all of the perspectives but a couple, and kind of flip through them... looking for the one that seems relevant, and seems like it could bring a shift.

It's what I do with myself... and everybody in my life. Some people like it... and some people don't.

I'm often very wrong, when I try a perspective at first. I often pick one that was relevant for me... one that caused me a huge step of growth... or a huge shift into greater freedom and peace... but each of us in life is in a different place... and I'm often very wrong when I pick the first one or two perspectives I think might serve somebody else.

Fortunately, there are a couple of perspectives that could work for nearly everybody.  Their sphere of truth is big enough it takes in just about everything.  They aren't necessarily the most powerful for shifting into greater freedom... but they work... and they do open the door... and they can be powerful for those who decide to slip through that door and take the next step of freedom and joy.

So... let's take a few perspectives... and please simply disregard the ones you don't relate with.

Let's start with chemistry... and how to use it to implement the law of attraction consciously.

The only reason we feel anything, is because polypeptides have found their way into the receptors of the cells of our body. We "feel" with every cell in our body.

Cells replicate. And they replicate according to the cell memory they hold. Which polypeptides those cells readily accept is based on the shape of the receptors of those cells. Traumatic childhood (crystalizing moment) experiences, that become suppressed, cause a contraction in the cell memories of the particular part of the body affected. When those cells replicate, they replicate according to that contracted state. So each new cell, is a replication of the unealthy state of that part of the body. Quantum Physicists have known this for years.

If you want to feel something different than you are currently feeling, you have three options:

1. Release the contraction (change the cell memory) and allow the cellular memory to once again expand to replicate healthy cells. This takes time (however long it takes for the cells to replicate) and very clear, conscious, committed, focused inner work to make it happen quickly. Otherwise, without focused choice (and effective tools) it takes many years of books, therapy, seminars, and life experience, to even make a dent in this area. Fortunately, it's not the only way, because most people will never even try this. It is, however, the most effective, the most powerful, the most permanent, and the most immediate option.

2. Overwhelm the painful polypeptides with an overabundance of joyful polypeptides. This takes an extremely focused effort and commitment. It can be done with nutrition, exercise, sufficient rest, and reduction (or elimination) of the chemicals that block them. Not the nutrition you'll learn from the FDA (not the food groups)... not the exercise you'll get from walking a couple of miles a day... not the sleep most people get... and not by continuing to ingest external chemicals (concentrated sweetners, refined carbs, nicotine, alcohol, and other drugs.) This is harder than just doing the first option. But it can be done. If you want it badly enough. And at least it is a physical choice, so all you really need is utter commitment, and you can make it happen. Although it is an "outer" choice, it has inner ramifications, and it is definitely an effective way to reprogram the painful neural cycles of the brain/body chemistry.

3. Use external drugs to mask/overwhelm the inner polypeptides. Prescription antidepressants, narcotics, and other legal and illegal drugs, including sugar, alcohol, and nicotine. This is the easiest method of all. It has no permanent (nor even short term lasting) power. But sometimes, when somebody is in the depths of despair, it can be an effective "crutch" to get them to a place that is functional enough to begin doing one of the other two options. Unfortunately, this place is easy to get stuck in, as a permanently temporary solution, and never fully creates joy, it just mocks it -- and does a pretty bad job of that -- perhaps enough to make life bearable, and sometimes even fun, but never fulfilling.

People who truly want to be healthy, often choose a combination of those three. But one and two are the only ones that actually create true joy. And 3 often gets in the way of implementing 1 and 2.

Here's what happens.

Somebody eats something where the carbohydrate content is more than 20% sugar. (you can tell if you are doing this, by looking at the label... if the sugar grams is more than 20% of the carbohydrage grams... it's gonna throw you into this cycle...)

Instantly, their pancreas goes into hyperdrive, to manufacture insulin to balance the now overabundant (and totally unnatural) level of sugar in the system. It's called homeostasis. It's the body's drive to keep everything balanced.

Within a short time, the sugar is depleted, and now you've got an over abundance of insulin. The sugar high (which replaced the serotonin feeling of well being) is no longer filling you with pseudo happiness... and... since the body didn't know it was low on serotonin (cuz of all the sugar) it wasn't manufacturing more... and now you cycle down. Some people call it a sugar crash, but it's much more than that.

When you grab a pendulum, and swing it a couple of inches, it only has to swing back a couple of inches. That's what eating an apple or banana does with your sugar level.

Drinking a soda pop, having some alcohol, or any other form of concentrated sugar or pseudo-happy drug, is like taking the pendulum, hanging a huge heavy weight on it, and shoving it with all your might as hard as you can. It swings way over to the giddy side... and then it swings way back past the unhappy side into the depression area... and the body's homeostasis response is "Agh! I need balance! Eat (drink, smoke, or whatever your form of psuedo happy drug intake is) Right Now!!!" So you drink another soda pop, or smoke another cigarette, to throw the pendulum back the other way... and it works... whew...

And your emotional balance goes with it... and it happens all day long... back and forth... the fight for balance...

And then... you go to sleep...

And your body begins to return to balance... the pendulum begins to come to rest... and you wake up... and all of the drama and trauma of the night before... has faded... and you might find yourself fairly decently cheerful. A quick cigarette will bump it up a bit as well... and some pancakes with thick syrup on top will bump it up another notch... and a grande mocha latte really kicks it up... and more psuedo happy foods and drugs throughout the morning keeps things on a fairly happy keel (unless some emotional drama happens to throw it all into disarray)...

But then by afternoon... it's hard to keep the pendulum swinging only one direction... the insulin levels are skyrocketing (to balance out the sugars)... and the body is giving all it's got to bring itself back into balance... and finally the pendulum swings back... and the depression starts... and the crazy thoughts... and the ADD... and the second guessing... and all of the chemicals fighting for receptors...

And the body still isn't generating serotonin very effectively. It can't with all of the chemical drama going on inside. And since serotonin is the only thing that creates true joy... most civilized humans go through most of their life without true joy

Serotonin is the only chemical that brings true peace along side of the joy. So while all of the chemical cocktails in our system (manufactured both inside and outside) bring us a semblance of happiness some of the time... humans are always on a search for happiness.

They think they'll find it in relationship. They think they'll find it in money. They think they'll find it in drugs. They think they'll find it in religion, friends, sex, a better job, or some other outer source. But the only thing they find in those things, is stimulation that fires their glands into producing pseudo happy drugs. Adrenaline is one of them. I like adrenaline! Endorphins are yummy too! They are opiates generated by the pituitary and hypothalamus. They feel great, but are temporary. You need to be continually stimulated in order to continually find happiness (pseudo happiness) in the person or thing that causes the stimulation. And when that person or thing isn't stimulating enough, or goes away, or changes, it's easy to get angry, blaming, and frustrated (or sad) because... something changed.

"White light" experiences are chemical in nature as well. My current belief is that they are caused by an occasional surge of dymethyltryptamine which usually only gets manufactured during sleep (or during gestation, or at death.) It's a psilosin like substance, and produces a godly exprience (similar to what people who have cosmically godly shroom experiences describe.)  When the mind relaxes enough, such as during and incredible spiritual or sexual experience, it allows the mind to fire off a shot of DMT... producing an utterly godly experience that may or may not include a full visionary, prophetic, or trancendental experience.. and at the very least an inhumanly ecstatic rapturous bliss. Good stuff, DMT. It's what causes you to dream at night.

One thing for certain, though. White light experiences, joy experiences, peace experiences, and... indeed... all experiences... are never created by anyone or anything outside of us. It's easy to assign those feelings outside of us, especially when the only time we experience them is when stimulated by an outside source. But they are absolutely manufactured from within, and the manufacture of those chemicals is caused by specific neural impulses.

One can learn to consciously trigger the brain to fire those neural impulses... on command. But it takes mastery.

Here's why I use the word mastery.

As we grew up, we "learned responses."

Just like Pavlov's dogs, which were fed after he rang a bell, and learned the response of salivation when he rang the bell, even when food was not present, that's exactly how our brains are.

When somebody bumps you as they hurry past, when you are waiting in line in the grocery store... what happens?

Well... here's the scoot... the outer stimulus creates an instant (learned response) thought... that was caused by a specific experience when you were very very very VERY young (perhaps even still in the womb, or perhaps within the first several years of your life, and some people even believe it could even have been in a past life, or passed down genetically through generations... but whatever...)... over the years that learned response got validated and reinforced over and over and over AND OVER throughout your life.

Have you ever seen a small child, younger than 3 years old, who falls down, and looks around wildly, wondering how to respond?  Trying to decide whether to laugh, cry, or just get up as if nothing happened?  But by the time the child is 5, the "learned response" is already ingrained.  At that age, the child has learned exactly how to respond to falling down.

Now... in our adult lives... it's like touching a hot stove. You yank your hand back before you even consciously notice it was hot... then you notice it was hot. It is a "chemical/electrical" response (the chemicals and electrical impulses of your body/brain)

Just that same way... somebody bumps you... and you.... "respond"... before you even consciously notice what happened. The response is both emotional (polypeptides) as well as a physical (neural) reaction.

Are you the kind of person who immediately is filled with rage? If so... that's because the bump, caused the learned response neural network impulse firings, that set of the whole series of more neural network impulses... some that told your glands to manufacture the rage polypeptide and introduce it into your system right now... and some that caused you to lash out and grab that person by the arm... and some that caused you to launch into a tirade of lecture (or punch him in the face)... and some that totally rationalized and validated (and strengthened) all of the other responses...

Oh... your "learned response" neural net doesn't do "rage" when you get bumped? Maybe yours does "victim"... or "sadness"... or "pity"... or "compassion"... or maybe yours doesn't even notice you got bumped?

Regardless of what your learned response is... or what outer situation stimulated it... it "does you"... instead of you "doing it."

The process of controlling that response... and not beating up everybody who bumps you... is an important part of learning to get along in society. But that process stops way early. There are socially acceptable responses... and socially unacceptable responses. But none of them are mastery. The only time you'll have mastery is when you are no longer "controlled" by those knee jerks reactions. When your mind no longer yanks you around by the habits, learned responses, knee jerk reactions.

The fact that we give our power away to our each individual hard wired neural impulse programming... is the cause of our lack of freedom.

Giving our power away to our learned programmed responses... is the cause of all the emotions we don't like.

Our own inner programming is our bondage. Our suffering. Our limitations.

When we feel depressed... instead of looking at the cause (the chemicals, caused by the neural impulses [thoughts,] caused by our self learned programming)... we instead have another learned response... the one that keeps us far away from healing. It is the response of "projection."

Instead of looking inside... we look outside... at the outer stimuli that caused the knee jerk.

The problem with projection... is that the only way projection can solve any problem... never actually solves it. The only way to stop an outer stimulus is to (1) force it to stop, (2) run away from it, or (3) suffer through it.

But even though one or more of those may stop the stimulus from triggering the neural chain of events that results in (whatever emotion, response, and total experience you don't like)... it is only temporary. The next stimulus will start the firing all over again. (The next relationship, the next job, the next person who bumps you, the next overdue bill, the next...anything...)

That's what happens when we look outside ourselves to find the problem. And outside ourselves to fix the problem. And from that perspective (focusing outward) healing can never happen, and we will never be free, nor joyful, nor be at peace. Ever.

"You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created." - Albert Einstein

You can never solve a problem, from within the mindset... the perspective... the belief system... that caused the problem. And since all suffering is caused by looking outside ourselves for the answer... the solution to that problem will never be found working to solve it outside of yourself. No person, thing, belief, religion, group, situation, book, seminar, or therapy will ever give you what you are looking for.

Certainly those things might stimulate you to make some inner changes... and there is nothing wrong with engaging in any of them... but they themselves are not the answer. Tools don't build a work of art. Artists do. Becoming free, begs for becoming excellent at using inner-work tools (whichever you choose) to do your inner work. But the tools don't do the work... you (the artist) is the only one who can do the work.

If you want to be free... the only freedom that is ever found... is within. It begins with consciousness. It takes place through the process of mastery.... and it ends with teaching your brain to manufacture the chemicals you want in your system... as well as replicating healthy cells, with healthy cell receptors, designed to receive those new healthy chemicals.

There.  That's the answer to all your problems.

Everything that Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, Ghandi, Socrates, and every other teacher who ever was... taught... says the same thing. Only in different words.

Let me show you why.

When you focus your mind on "forgiveness." You'll feel a certain set of polypeptides coursing into your system, almost before you finish thinking about thinking about it. Try it. What does it feel like, right in this exact moment, when you imagine yourself filled with a greater forgiveness than you have ever felt? (not just for others, but for yourself, as well.)

Then... perhaps... try presencing gratitude. Just pick something you are extremely grateful for, and focus on how grateful you are. When you begin to feel the feeling of gratitude, put your full attention on the feeling itself. Notice it. Where do you feel it. "Choose" it to expand. Don't force it. Just notice it. Let it fill your entire being as much as it will. Let it grow as much as it is willing... right now.

What happens is... as you choose it more and more... The cells of your body will begin to transform... They will replicate with receptors that are designed to be filled by the polypeptides that feel like gratitude. And if you practice it more and more every day... there will come a time (in the not too distant future) after your cells have had a chance to replicate a few times... when you will feel a level of gratitude you have never known could exists. You'll feel it from the top of your head to the tip of your toes... vibrant beyond anything you can imagine today.

But... on the other hand... if instead you find yourself depressed... and then put your focus on that... you'll find that expanding... and the very cells of your body will alter their receptors to better receive the polypeptides that bring depression... and you'll find yourself in a downward spiral until the depression fills you in such a way you didn't even know you could hurt this way... from the top of your head to the tip of your toes... until you begin to wonder if it's even worth it to try and dig yourself out.

What we focus on, we get more of.

The law of attraction isn't some airy fairy nana nunu new age ethereal blathering. It is a physical reality. It is a law. Natural and Universal. Not understanding it, or rejecting it, or thinking it is something it isn't, can severely limit your ability to create what you want in your life. Understanding the law of attraction is often the first powerful step toward accountability. When we are accountable, we have the power to change our lives. When we give away our power by projecting on anything outside of us (as the cause of our problems, or the source of our joy) that is the very definition of unaccountability -- we become victims -- and we are powerless to change our lives.

Projection = Victim = Powerless.

Looking Inside = Accountability = Power.

But, it is almost impossible to want to be anything other than a victim, when one is deep in self pity. It is almost impossible to get motivated to create magnificence when one is deep in depression.

The mind thinks differently from those places. The chemicals in our body become the stimuli for thoughts that stimulate other chemicals that stimulate other thoughts that stimulate other thoughts and chemicals... and... like a toppling domino effect... the "tapes" in our head play over and over and over... each thought stimulating chemicals... and each surge of chemicals stimulating thoughts. That's what happens when we are on automatic. And it happens both ways... the pessimists get more "realistic"... and the optimists get more rose colored.

The mind has different values, different desires, different goals, different abilities, and different motivations... depending upon the state of the chemicals flowing through your body... and the neural thought "tape recordings" they launch, that play over and over.

Everybody is different. And everybody responds in a different way. If you truly want to shift, you're going to have to find out what works for you, and implement it. What works for me, may or may not work for you. And even if it does work, it will work differently.

Some people respond well to groups. In my bootcamp workout group, if somebody doesn't turn in their homework (about nutrition) the entire class does extra pushups. That's a great motivation for me! Both to turn in my homework, as well as to check with my buddies and make sure they've got theirs done. But it wouldn't work for everybody.

I have tried working out on my own, but I've got a busy life. My mind always has a hundred really good reasons why I just can't do it right now. So my self-motivated-workouts often go un-happened. But when my buddies have to do pushups if I don't show up to my bootcamp class, that's a huge incentive for me. And I haven't missed one yet! But it wouldn't work for everyone.

Several years ago, through an extremely painful separation and divorce, I got so angry at "relationship" and how much it hurt, that I gave it up entirely. Although I'm in a yummy relationship now, that time where I was angry was a huge opportunity for me. Instead of looking for happiness in relationship, I had to decide to find it somewhere else. I don't even know if I would have understood, if someone had told me, "if you look to relationship to make you happy, you'll be disappointed, but if you are already happy and get into relationship as an opportunity to express that happiness, you'll find the relationship is a marvelous tool."

I don't know if someone had shared the law of attraction, and the power of accountability, and the science of polypeptides and emotions as physical chemistry, and the possiblity of releasing cell memory... if I would have even understood (or accepted) any of it. But by throwing relationship out altogether... as even a possibility... it caused me to "have to" look inside. I had nowhere else to look. So my growth happened. I don't look at that as an accident. I didn't even know the "gift" that ruined relationship would end up being for me. I could only feel the pain at the time. Now... however... I see the divine gift it was, and I am so grateful for that gift. Perhaps all unexpected situations are a divine gift, even if we can't see if at the time.

The process, for me, was through ever deepening meditation, ever expanding processes, ever more powerful tools, and surrounding my self with the kind of energy I wanted more of.

But the one that broke me through, was when I decided to focus on love. I decided to fill my being with love, as many times a day as I could, for as long as I could. I still went to work, and paid my bills, and cleaned the house. And hollered at the kids to stop arguing... But after a couple of months, I found that I could fill myself with love, that was so strong, I had never felt anything that amazing in my life. And instead of taking several minutes, it only took several seconds.

And then I started looking for a new level of love. Every few days, I specifically intended to find a deeper, fuller, more expansive love. And I kept finding it.

Today, I know that feeling as serotonin. The chemical (neurotransmitter) that makes everything you experience feel like joy. But I'm telling you what... my god... it is the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. It feels like utter peace. There is nothing that can compare to it.

And nobody can take it away from me.

And nobody can create it for me.

And it doesn't depend upon anything outside of me.

It is utterly godly.

I still go to work, and I still pay the bills, and I still clean the house (although not as well as my wife would like)... but I found someone who has found her own source of love and happiness as well... and together... we don't have to be anything for each other. Which leaves us free to be everything for each other. We are free from the demands and requirements and pressure I experienced in past relationships. Neither of us feel compelled to show up in any certain way, so we are both free to be utterly authentic with each other. I wouldn't trade this experience of relationship for anything.

And... no... it isn't without buttons. We still push each others buttons. But it is without anger. And it is without struggle. (I'm probably more of a button pusher than she, because I tend to fixate on 8 while she seems to fixate on 9 on the ennegram scale) But fortunately, I'm very clear that her buttons her hers, not mine. It's not my job to fix her. It's not my job to make her happy. And thank heavens she knows the same thing about me. So neither of us is trying to fix the other. Neither of us is looking to the other to be fixed. And neither of us wants the other to "be" or "do" something different... to make us happy.

That's the only path to peace in relationship I can imagine. I truly don't think there is another one. Every other option is a projection; an expectation.

Buddha said the cause of suffering is expectation (attachment.) The opposite of expectation, is allowing and loving what is. No matter what it is. That includes other people's actions and choices. No matter what they are. And if it hurts too much, look inside for the answer.

Jesus suggested that we forgive everyone, turn the other cheek, resist not evil, and just love.

That's because the cause of all pain, is projection... wishing something outside of us were different... and looking outside for the solution. When we get upset for being slapped across the face, we're not choosing our own experience... we're not owning our power... we're not standing as a chooser. When we get upset by the slap, we are focused on the pain, on the slap, on the person who slapped us, on the unfairness of it all, on retribution (or whatever) and we are attached to it. What we focus on grows. And we have given our power away to the slap, to the person who slapped us, to our belief about being slapped, and to the pain we feel. When we can "turn the other cheek" it means we're not attached to retribution, anger, or whatever other knee-jerk automated response would have been our past. Jesus was just giving us a recipe for freedom. The same recipe Buddha gave us.

"Resist not evil" is another similar powerful concept. What we resist persists. If we resist evil, we are focused on two harsh and painful feelings: (1) Resistance and (2) evil. Fighting against fighting, is still fighting. Spanking our children for hitting each other will not end the cycle of violence. Resisting evil in any way, is focusing on it. And what we focus on we get more of. And the more resisting evil we get, the more it hurts, and the more righteously angry, indignant, and zealous we become, and the more we fight, and the more we focus on any part of that cycle, and the more we give our power away to the cycle.

So... when jesus said "resist not evil" he wasn't speaking religious dogma, nor was it new age rhetoric, nor was it a commandment, nor was he telling our higher power would be angry at us if we didn't. It was just a recipe for freedom. What about ending the war on drugs and starting a crusade for conscious choice... ending the angry mothers against drunk drivers and starting the forgiving mothers for sober choices... ending the anti war rallies and starting peace rallies... imagine the possibilities.

The suggestion to forgive everyone, all the time, no matter what, isn't religious abuse either. It is simply the key to freedom. Especially self forgiveness. It sums up everything Buddha and Jesus said. It is the first step toward non-attachment.

Let me see if I can think of anything else... oh.. .yeah... here's one... it has been suggested that one might want to learn to love with ALL your heart, ALL your soul, ALL your mind, and ALL your strength. So... with that kind of absolute love pouring off of your being... What else is there to focus on? Where is the room (in your heart, soul, mind, and strength) for a grudge, for non-forgiveness, for feeling offended, for being angry, or for anything else that is the cause of your suffering. No... that request wasn't an unachievable commandment... it is just a recipe for everything you ever wanted in your life.

The list of sayings, wisdoms, suggestions, and parables is endless. But they are all saying the same thing.

What we focus on we create more of.

It doesn't matter what's happening on the outside... other than it is excellent feedback about what is happening on the inside.

That's because the only path to freedom (true joy and absolute peace)... is an inner path. It has nothing to do with anything on the outside of us. And to the degree with think it does... that's exactly the amount of pain and suffering we'll experience in our lives. And to the degree with try to fix it outside of ourselves... that's exactly the level of multiplication we'll heap upon our pain and suffering.

Want a "how to" set of steps?

Shhhhhhhh.

Be still.

Just notice.

Surround yourself with silence, and the things that support silence. (silence is not the absence of sound, it's a quieting of the mind.)

Choose music that supports your inner work.

Experiment with any tool you want (from therapy, to processes, to seminars, to books, to meditation)... but don't give your power away to any of them. The only thing they are good for, is getting you to a place where you are willing to let go of one more limiting belief... letting go one more attachment... letting go one more commitment to pain.

Enlightenment is the process of taking off weight. Dropping one more brick. En-lightening the load one painful belief at a time.

The answer, is not in believing something you don't currently believe... but letting go of the beliefs that are keeping you limited.

The answer, is not in learning something new... but unlearning all of the old stuff that doesn't work.

Shhhhhh....

Just let go....

Just let it be....

Oh... and exercise like a maniac... But don't think it will fix you. And don't do it for your health. Just do it for the serotonin.

And stop eating sugar. Not for your health, but for the serotonin.

And for the full benefit... Stop smoking. Stop drinking. And stop eating refined carbs. Do it for the serotonin.  Everything else is fleeting psuedo-happiness.

And eat more natural, more raw, more simply, more healthily. And eat with gratitude and joy. And do it for the serotonin.

Exercise like a maniac... for at least an hour... a couple of times a week... or more... (or two hours at a time if your exercise is only moderate) and you'll kick your serotonin into production (as long as you don't stop it with other substances.)

And if you're feeling tired at noon, instead of a candy bar, hit the gym (or climb the butte, or go dancing, or get out your hula hoop) and not for fun... but for true joy (for the serotonin.)

And drink as much filtered water as you can...

And breathe deeply...

And shut the hell up... I mean... quiet the mind... often... not even neccesarily in meditation... just relax it... and let it think just a tiny bit less... and just a bit less... and just a bit less...

And just let everything be how it is...

And if you MUST choose how you feel... then for God's sake choose something you like... And focus on it.

If you MUST stop some feeling you don't like... then for God's sake use it as a trigger... to remind you to focus on a feeling you do want. If you have to look at pictures of tiny kittens and baby bunnies to start the shift... use whatever tools you need... but once you feel it... just focus on the feeling... and let it gently grow. Eventually, you'll find that in the center of every emotion (even those that hurt) that place of peace is found... but until then... gently shift your focus to whatever feeling you want.

And then... it's just a process of doing it again... a little more often... a little longer... and with a little more passion... and a big deeper smile each time.

If I were to sum it up this entire principle up... it would simply be: if you'd like to experience a lot of happiness (or any feeling)... then feel it a lot.  The more you feel it, the more you'll feel it.  It's just the law of attraction in action.  It's the same thing Jesus called the law of the harvest.  It truly is the only way to get anything you want.  And it is totally the way to get everything you want.

If you "want" something... then you are sowing wanting... and you'll get more wanting.
If you wish, hope, or crave something... you'll get more wishing, hoping, and craving.

The only way to experience happiness, is to sow  happiness.  And the way to sow it, is to feel it.  We sow the energy we allow to fill our beings.  And the very cells and chemicals of our body evolve toward more if whatever that is.

If you don't have something you'd like... that's a message to start sowing new seeds; the kind of seeds that result in whatever it is you'd like to have or experience.

If you have something you are experiencing in your life that you don't like... that's a message to stop sowing the seeds that created that result, and start sowing new seeds.

The only other option is to be a victim; to be unwilling to be honest enough with yourself to make the necessary inner changes.

It truly is up to us each.

You truly are the master of your own destiny.

As soon as you choose to be.

Only you can make you happy.

And only you can choose what level of happiness you experience.

And it's all done with drugs. Secreted by your pituitary and hypothalamus. And the neurotransmitters in your brain. It's all about the serotonin, baby!

How awesome will it be when you choose to secrete the happy drugs, and quit your addiction to the painful drugs?

Sorry to say it like that. It isn't very poetic, religious, or romantic. But it's true. If you are willing to enter that sphere of truth.

Otherwise... you could just keep choosing what you've been choosing... and hope for different results.

There is so much I want to do with my life.  I finally wrote it down.  And the list is huge.

Not just goals... and not just my bucket list... but "who I choose to be" and "what I want" in my life.

And there just isn't enough time.

So I started a polyphasic sleep schedule again.  It gives me about 22 productive hours each day.

There are two main schedules that people follow.  The uberman schedule is sleeping 20 minutes every 4 hours, around the clock.  People you've heard of, such as Leonardo DaVinci, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and others, used this method.

Last year, when I first heard about it, I started my first nap less than an hour later.  I spent a few months on the uperman schedule.  After the initial first week overcoming sleep deprivation, and a second week of learning how to adjust... I ended up with much more energy than normal, a much clearer mind than normal, and felt more rested than I every did even with 9 hours sleep.

But it was hard fitting it in at work.  I had to go in early, go out to my car to catch my 20 minute naps, work around meetings, stay a little late, etc.

The second most common schedule is the everyman schedule, where the sleeper grabs a "base" sleep of 3 hours, and then a 20 minute nap every 5 hours.  I decided I'd lik to try that one this time... but there are two problems I didn't know about until I did a little more research.  The first problem is... people who have done both schedules often say it takes longer to get past the sleep deprivation stage and start feeling energized.  And the second problem is... people who have done both schedules often report they just feel normal (after adjusting) not extra energized, as with the uperman schedule.  And that extra energy (combined with the extra time) is what I liked about it so much my first polyphasic experiment.

My third alternative is called the Dymaxion schedule, which Buckminster Fuller used for a couple of years.  It is a 30 minute nap, every 6 hours.  But there's something about going that long between naps that didn't quite appeal to me. 

So... I decided to create my own schedule.  Here's how it works:

30 minutes right before work, 30 minutes at noon, and 30 minutes right after work.

Then... starting near midnight, I catch 15 minutes every 2 hours, until it's time to head back to work.

So far it's working great, but I haven't started into the sleep deprivation stage yet, so I'll have to report more later.

I'm really excited about it this time.  Although there are a couple of problems with it.

 I think my greatest concern, is that my wife is still monophasic, and my greatest energetic recharge has been being next to her for several hours at a time all night long.  I don't know what solution I can come up with for that.  Maybe I can talk her into becoming polyphasic with me.

And I've got some things on my goal list that make noise, like practicing the guitar (and other music)... juggling... and several similar activities.  But everybody else in the house isn't going to be happy if I'm clunking around the house all night long, shredding steel and dropping bowling balls.  Maybe I'll have to take up some quieter aspirations.

I'd stay and type more, but my next nap is coming right up.  G'night everyone... have a nice few minutes sleep!

There was a devastating tragedy in our normally peaceful community.  The family involved said it was self defense, but the courts disagreed, and a young struggling teenager is behind bars.

So... here's the deal... depression is normal for an enneagram type 4. It's how they know they are alive. 4's find beauty and happiness in the sweet sorrow of being broken. Can you feel it? Can you find that place?  Everybody has a little 4-ness in them.  If you tune in, perhaps you'll be able to relate.

It's how they write such beautifully heart rending music, poetry, and other expressive forms of art. Without it the world would have only a tiny percent of the true art that exists.

What we resist persists. The more you fight what is present, the more strongly it presents itself. The other option is to embrace it. Not grudgingly, but with compassion. Embrace it as if it were a lost child, surrender to it entirely, and allow it to become you.

Only then does it lose its power over you, and becomes a tool for you. Only then can you choose it when it serves you, and choose something else when something else serves you more appropriately.

Can you relate with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH3KToKApVo&feature=related

I'm not sure where you are on your path, so I'm not certain whether to just speak physically... or whether to speak spiritually... or whether to tell a deeper truth than even that.

What I can tell you for certain, though, is that "what is present" for you, no matter what it is... is a message. It is a gift. It is there to tell you something powerful and important. It is there to show you the path to freedom. It is there to break you out of your complacency rut.

If you "make it go away" because you don't want to hear the message, and reject the messenger, and you want something different but you are not willing to change what you are choosing, what you are doing, what you are feeling, what you believe, and what you think is true and real... then you become the definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result."

Depression is just a powerful message. Are you willing to listen?

It might be the scariest thing you've ever done.

How much do you want peace?

What (inner) price are you willing to pay for peace?

We'll see. Won't we.

That's the simple truth, and it is your path to freedom.

What we focus on we get more of.

If you want a healthy dose of that principle, watch the video "The Secret"... and then the video "What the Bleep do We Know"... and read some of... hmmmmm... I'm not certain whom to recommend... because it all depends upon where you are in your life... as to what would serve you. I'll go out on a limb and recommend Abraham Hicks. It's pretty commercial, but it's also totally empowering, if you are willing to hear what is being presented.

You don't have to get rid of your depression in order to choose peace. If you go into it, and allow it, and welcome it, and find the peace within it, then you'll never fear it again. If you make it go away, you will always fear its return.

All truth is present at all times in all things.

Everything is made out of peace. If you open to it, it will find you. If you look for it, you are affirming that you don't have it. And what we affirm, we get more of.

The law of attration, law of the harvest, law of karma, law of one... it's all the same law. It's the law that is giving you your current experience... and it is the law that will free you.

Nobody is "doing" depression to you. God or some other powerful being isn't punishing you for anything.

The most powerful concept toward freedom, is the concept of accountability. And I don't mean the lower 5 levels of accountability. Those are just steps. The higher understanding of accountability is the only way to fully utilize the law of attraction to get what you want.

The law of attraction, is the most powerful law in the universe. It is the law upon which all other laws are based. It is often called the law of the harvest. It goes like this:

You can't plant carrots and hope to harvest watermelons.

If you don't want the carrots you have been harvesting, stop planting those seeds.

If you want watermelons and you don't have them, start planting those.

But watermelons and carrots are equally valuable. So if you are willing to accept and honor what you have planted, and harvested... and take utter and full accountability for your experience... then you are the one with the power to make whatever changes you want. Then you can choose which kinds of seeds you want to plant, so that you can harvest the result you say you want.

If, on the other hand, you lay the "blame" elsewhere, and allow even the tinest part of your experience to be somebody else's fault, then you totally give away your power -- you totally give away the option to experience something different. You become a victim to that other person. And all you can do is beg, scream, force, or wallow and suffer in inevitable misery.

When the Buddha discovered enlightenment, he had been in search of the solution to the suffering of humankind. And he found it. As he found it, he began to laugh, and acheived full enlightement. The cause of all suffering, according to the Buddha, is expectation. So if that's true, and you suffer, what would be the most effective... to rail against the thing you project your suffering upong? Or to go inside, and shift the source of your expectation?

Your freedom is only up to you. Nobody can fix your life or make it better in any way.

You can. But only if you are willing to pay the price. Only if you are willing to look that deeply inside. Only if you are willing to let your very reality die, so that the truth of who you really are can begin to blossom in place of the lie you currently believe about you.

It's up to you.

You are exactly in the perfect place to take the next step.

I've got a plethora of tools I'd be happy to share, but any tool you use, if you have the intention of using it for freedom, will be the perfect tool.

If you have questions, find somebody who has what you are seeking, and ask them.  Or, if you dare, look inside, and ask inside yourself.  And truly listen.  And trust.  And experiement.

And... Be the change you want to see in the world. <big smile>

Many of my friends have shared with me, recently, about how their boundaries have been tested/disrespected, and they ended up going through emotional drama/trauma as a result.

Since freedom only comes from within, and only through a new perspective, I would like to share what brings me freedom when my boundaries get pressed (or disregarded.)

Accountable means "able to account," or, in other words, "how did I create this situation."

There a 5 levels of accountability, and each one grants a new freedom.

When you are a victim, you are powerless to change the situation.  The more accountability you have, the more power you have to change the situation.

True change ALWAYS occurs INSIDE.

Situations that get changed on the outside, always come back.  The law of attraction tells us that we always experience what we exude.  We always get more of what we focus on.  The more we notice a perpetrator and how he or she has victimized us, and the more indignant we are about it, the more opportunity we'll get to experience more victimness.

Perpetrators need victims.  Victims need perpetrators.  It's a universal balance.

Each of us is a victim, in our own way.

Every time you say, "why do I always have to be the one to do this?"  Or "Why me?" or "I can't believe he/she did that to me" or "I so wish I didn't have to get out of bed yet!"... those are indicators you are giving your power away -- victim words are a great warning flag that victimness is going on inside.  And we ALL do it, or we wouldn't be here, on this earth -- the magnificent tool it is -- learning regain our own power, through accountability.

There are 9 personality types, and each one comes with its own brand of victim energy.  What is victim to one person, doesn't have to be for another.  Are you one of those kind of people who feels irritated when someone with a huge cart full gets in front of you in the grocery store?  Are you one of those kinds of people who hates it when someone cuts you off in traffic?  Do you feel offended when someone talks to their children in a certain tone of voice that you would never use with your children?  You could easily say NO or YES to any of those.  And would you understand if someone else had different buttons than you?

Each of those situations offers the opportunity to "give away" your power, and allow the other person to choose for you how you feel.  Or to own your own power, and feel how you want to feel.

Each of the 9 personality types, has levels of "inner" health.  Another word might be "maturity" but I'm going to use "health" as my word for it.

The one true thing, is that everybody is where they are.  Each of us is exactly as emotionally healthy, spiritually healthy, mentally healthy, and physically healthy as we each are.  Period.

We may wish we (or somebody we are in relationship with) were more "healthy."  But the truth is, we are each as healthy as we are.  And wishing it were different, is one of the most sneaky energies of victimness there is.

And the one thing that is true about everybody else, is that, they are not where you are in your growth/maturity level of health.

And each of us thinks that "where I am is the place to be."

That means that everybody else doesn't quite get it.  People who haven't learned what you've learned, poor them, still have so far to go.  And people who are talking about ethereal concepts you never think about, poor them, they totally missed the point.

It has to be that way.  We have no other point of reference.

Each of us relates most with people who are close to "where we are" in our level of health.  And we often judge those who are not where we are.

One of the greatest choices for freedom, is to allow people to be where they are.

Some people have a great need, in their current level of health, to "own the road" or "own the grocery store aisle" or "teach their children with a firm hand" to "get people to like them" to "never be rejected" or perhaps to "always seek validation" or to "win at any cost."

So what?

Who am I to say their path isn't perfect for them?  Who am I to say "God" isn't leading them in exactly their perfect path of learning and growth? 

When I see someone drunk on the sidewalk, I've got to take a serious look.  I'd like to pick him up off the sidewalk and put him on a bench, and get him some food, and make sure he's OK.

But here's a question:  What if he's not quite to the bottom.  What if, he was just about to topple over, wake up in the morning with is face in the gutter, having hit rock bottom, take a look, and decide it's time for a change, and become one of the greatest motivational speakers of all time, changing the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.

But because I came along, just before he hit the bottom, and picked him up, he woke up on the bench, as usual, which isn't too bad, and spent the rest of his life drinking, and going back and forth between the sidewalk and the bench, never reaching for anything different.

Plus, when I picked him up, it's me doing the work.  And when I put him down to walk away, all of the sudden he doesn't have me there anymore, and he becomes a victim to me, because I'm walking away taking his support (me) with me.

On the other hand, if he ends up in my space, and I have the opportunity to be of service to him.  Perhaps he is there, specifically for "my" growth, and perhaps being in service to him, is the greatest service I can do for myself.

So, what it really comes down to, is going inside, and choosing, from the deepest place in me I can, what I think would serve the highest good, for him, and for me.  Sometimes it might be one choice, and sometimes it might be another.

What about you?  when you see someone asking for money, do you "always" give?  "never" give?  Sometimes give and sometimes not?  Give but feel guilty for not giving more?  Not give because it supports the neediness, not the need?  Only give food, but never money?  Feel victimized by the person standing there because now you feel like you have to give or feel guilty for not giving?

But now let's pause for a moment, and take a specific situation, and take a look at how accountability creates freedom.

Let's say someone lies to you, right to your face, and you know it, and it's someone you love.

Levels of accountability:

0: The non-level of accountability is zero.  How dare he lie to me.  I have a huge boundary that I need honesty.  I won't stand for it.  I deserve the truth.  And I'm not going to take this.  This relationship is on the verge.  Things change now, or it ends.  And when asked "how did I create this" the answer is, I didn't have any part in it!  He created it!  And he's a jerk.

1: The first level of accountability, which comes from asking, how did I create this, is usually answered: "by allowing it."  I didn't have strong enough boundaries, and I didn't communicate my boundaries strongly enough, to let him know I require utter truth at all times.  I need to get clearer on my boundaries, and voice my boundaries more clearly.  (but he's still a jerk.)

2:  The next level of accountability might sound like, "well, half of the fault is mine."  It takes two to tango.  I have my own faults, so I can't be too judgmental.  Maybe I created it by not respecting one of his boundaries quite like he'd like, and karma is coming back to bite me.  I don't know.  But I want to be accountable, so I'll take half the blame.  But he'd still better never do it again.  I'll bet it's because of how he was raised.  His parents probably used harsh guilt trips, or maybe he got beat with a belt, so he learned then to lie.  His parents are the true blame.  I'll see if I can get him to go to counseling, and I'll go too, to support him in changing.

3:  The next level of accountability goes even further inside.  It might sound like, "wow, this is an interesting message from life"... I wonder what it is I'm supposed to learn from this.  I obviously attracted it into my life, by the law of attraction, and is sucks, but it's my lesson.  I hate it, but I guess I'll take a look at myself, and see what it holds for me.  I wonder what I'm doing to make people feel like they need to lie to me.  I wonder how I present myself such that I get the message across that it's ok to lie to me.  Or that it's necessary to lie to me.  I wonder what I can do to send out a different message?  Maybe I can change my words, or make my energy a little more inviting.  Or maybe I could voice my honesty and not withhold as much.

4:  The next level of accountability, might sound like, "I wonder how I came across, such that he doesn't feel safe enough to tell me the truth."  Am I so judgmental that he is so afraid I won't accept him if he is honest?  I wonder what I can to to change myself, and be a safer place for him and everyone.  If I can change myself, and I am patient enough, maybe I can be the only safe place he has ever had, and maybe that will help him regain his self esteem enough that he can begin to trust himself, and speak his truth with confidence.

5:  Full accountability.  I know I created this situation.  I am utterly grateful for this experience.  It is my own, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other person.  I can imagine that this experience may be a message for him as well, but it's none of my concern.  I am exactly where I am in my life, and this situation is exactly the perfect situation for my next step.  I could try to change it on the outside, run away, make him go away, force him to change, or set stronger boundaries -- in which case nothing will ever change.  Even if I leave to get out of this current situation, I'll draw it again and again, until I finally get that it's my message, and change it on the inside.  I'm so glad I'm learning this message now.  I'm headed, in my life, into a place where I'd like to never experience this kind of thing again, and so I'm grateful the lesson is here, for me to learn now, so I can learn it, and move forward into a new life, free from this kind of situation.  A new life of freedom and joy.  And I'll also be healthier, both in this relationship, as well as all others.

Of course there are many other levels of accountability as well.  Those are just a few.  But they make a point.

The only way to freedom, is inside.

The more inside we are willing to look, the greater our power, and the greater our freedom.  But nobody will tell you, what level of accountability you need to be at.  That is your own choice.  You just experiment, until you want something enough that you finally move up another level.

Some people, who first begin wanting to become newly accountable, don't know what to do when they get there.  So, here I am accountable, but now what?  How do I handle it internally, instead of thrashing around externally?  What do I do now?

My favorite tool, for internal work, is "the journey," and if you're up for an amazing "journey" inside, I suggest finding one of the intensives in your local area, and checking it out.  It will be utterly life changing for you (in a good way) if you go in with open-ness and a willingness to do your inner work.  It's a very simple tool, and easy to use.  And it works.  I tried the book first, and it was a great read (and I recommend it, too) but it wasn't until I went to an intensive that I learned to quit trying to force the change, and just let myself heal, from the inside out.  One step at a time.  I like that it isn't a philosophy, but rather just at tool -- that they don't teach a belief system, but let me keep my own, and use the tool any way I want.  That was really important to me.

But, really, the most important tool, is just expansion of consciousness.

If you are reading this blog, and you think I'm trying to say that you should, or shouldn't leave a drunk in the gutter.  Or that you should, or shouldn't give money to someone asking for it.  Then I didn't do a very good job of expressing myself.

Those situations were simply expressed, to give an expanded perspective.  To look at something in a way you never have.  To open.  To back up.  To take a bigger picture.  To see from a few more angles.  To drop the "single way it has always been" and wonder "what other possibilities are there."

Often, when somebody expresses a situation, we want to "give our opinion."  Which is fine.  But giving our opinion, will keep us exactly where we are.  Questioning our opinon is the only way to freedom.  What if I'm wrong?  What if I'm right, but there is a more powerfully freeing way to look at the situation.  It's all about getting a bigger picture.

Expanding consciousness.

That's actually what all growth is.  It's just an expanded view.

It doesn't matter whether you go to a seminar, attend a church function, visit a psychiatrist, read a new book, chat long into the night with a trusted friend, or hire a personal trainer.  Every shift, is a shift of consciousness.  Every transformation, from a limiting belief to a freeing belief, is simply a shift of consciousness -- a new view.

When you go to a psychiatrist, you just talk about your life, and the doctor shares a few insights, and suddenly you realize, your fear of heights occurred when you were 6 years old when you climbed a bookshelf to get your favorite book and you slipped and fell.  Just from noticing that, you begin to experience a new freedom from that old fear.  Your psychiatrist smiles at your growth, you pay the bill, and you walk away.  It's not the psychiatrist that gave you freedom.  It was your willingness to see your past in a new way, make a connection, integrate it into the big picture, and go forth with a new consciousness.  You can do that anywhere, with any tool.  It's just that a psychiatrist (and other transformational tools) specifically create the environment that supports looking inside yourself for the answers, changes, and solutions.  Your TV doesn't.  And not very much out there in the world does, unless you consciously choose it yourself.  But it's not the tool that matters, it's the "look" you take.

Every inner change, is only a change of perspective.

That's why, in so many zen stories, the master asks a question, and the student holds up his finger (or some seemingly insignificant gesture) and is suddenly enlightened.  Enlightenment is simply a perspective.  Going from less enlightened, to more enlightened, is simply viewing existence through a different window than you did a moment ago.  You used to think it was one thing, now you see it might be another.  And you are enlightened.  You didn't GET anything you didn't have.  Nobody GAVE you a new teaching you didn't know.  You didn't ACQUIRE knowledge that you didn't have before.  It may be that someone said something new to you, but it's not what they said that mattered, it was the shift of perspective you took inside yourself.  You are your own enlightenment.  There is no tool better than another.  The only thing that matters, is your perspective.

If you viewed humanity, life, sickness, health, and reality -- the way Buddha did, or Jesus, or Donald Trump, or Mother Teresa, or Bill Gates, or Tony Little, or Olivia Newton John... you would have the kinds of things they have, do the kinds of things they do, and be the kinds of people they are.  Perspective, is reality.

The only thing that matters, in making your life better, is your perspective.  Your view.  Your belief about how it is.  Your point of consciousness.  Your sphere of awareness.  What you call, "reality."  (And it is reality, but only for you.)  I can guarantee you everybody else has a different view of reality.  When Abraham Hicks says, "you create your own reality," He's not kidding.  We really do, simply by the choice of windows we use to view it through.  Simply by the perspectives we limit ourselves to.

"God" has the biggest perspective.  If you would like your perspective to be more "godly" then simply begin taking a bigger view.

Here are a few big questions that can facilitate moving from victim to accountability.

What do you want?

In what ways have you been a victim, that have kept you from having what you want?

If you knew, absolutely, that you created not having what you want, and that you are no longer a victim, what ways could you view life, that would give you a new perspective, that would bring the power back into your hands.

When will you take back one more level of your power?  When will you un-assign one more level of your happiness to others, and begin to choose it for yourself, instead of letting outer situations choose it for you?  When will you detach one more level of demanding that others behave as you want them to, and just let them be on their own path in their own way? (and when will you begin to celebrate the differences, the diversity, the variety instead of wishing others would behave more like you?)  When will you let "God" do "God's" job with others, and you do your own work with yourself with a new gratitude?  When will you let others' interactions with you, be the gift it truly is, and use it as a tool for your own growth?

The degree to which you are willing to take those areas of life, to a new level, is the degree to which you will experience a new freedom, a new peace, a new joy, and a new power to manifest your life dreams.  It starts inside.  It happens inside.  And it continues inside.  You'll know it has happened, when the outside begins to reflect new and differen things.  If the outside stays the same, you haven't done the work inside, regardless of what you say, what you wish, or how much denial you say you're not in.

The work happens when we start looking inwardly.

And until we do, we will continue to be victims.  Giving perpetrators a place to learn their own lessons.  And cycling through it again and again and again... until we've finally had enough -- take back our own power -- choose one more level accountable -- and widen our perspective just enough to give us that next step into that next level of freedom.

So... let's get specific.

There is a person, on Gaia, who responds aggressively at every opinion posted.

There is a person, on Gaia, who leads people on, and then dumps them

There is a person, on Gaia, who leaves suggestive blog comments

There is a person, on Gaia, who usurps blog comment threads

There is a person, on Gaia, who won't take no for an answer

There is a person, on Gaia, who proselytes a religion

Have I missed anybody?

Oh, yeah, and some of those people respond with manipulative, hurtful, and spiteful words when met with rejection or confrontation.

Does that cover it?

Well... then... let's see what kind of perspective expansion we can create.

Everything in life is a tool.  All truth, in its entirety, is available to be learned, at all times, from every single situation, experience, or object.  The fact that you do, or don't, learn any specific truth, is simply up to you... just as it is for each of us.

While it's true, that there are some commonly socially unacceptable behaviors, it's also true that the word "unacceptable" is completely ego based.  It does not take into account that everyone has their own path.  Nor that we all do the best we can with what we have.  Nor does it take into account any of the higher (more spiritual) truths that bring freedom.  Nor does it bring freedom.

So I'd like to mention just a few higher spiritual concepts, and leave it up to you, how you choose to view each of the situations that has affected you.

Gratitude.

I always like to start with gratitude.

What is there for you to be grateful for, in the experience.  What did you learn.  Have you become a better person from the situation, so that the next person you interact with on Gaia, you do it from a more pure, kinder, more conscious place?

I've been divorced twice.  To some people, it must mean I am obviously bad at relationship.  To me, it means I needed two huge lessons to make me into the man that deserves the woman I am now married to.  And I am now in a marriage that is my dream relationship.  It's better than anything I could ever have imagined.  BUT.. I would not have been able to be here now, were it not for the two (excruciatingly painful) divorces, and all I learned about relationship and life from those two amazing women, my exes, who put up with a lot, and made me really frustrated, and taught me everything I needed to know, so I didn't have to ever go through those things again.  And my wife is now the grateful recipient, of the amazing result, of all the learning that came from all that pain, frustration, hurt, and growth.

What about you?  What did you learn from the person who dragged you into relationship gently, and then pushed too hard, and started making you nervous, and when you started to slow down, pressured and stalked you, and when you said no, got manipulative and hurtful, until you could hardly imagine anyone could treat you that way, and then dumped you publicly as if you weren't worth it anyway?

If you were to step back enough, to imagine that were a gift, in your preparation for the perfect relationship (the one you are just about to find, provided you get this lesson learned, and maybe a couple  of other lessons)... what would you be willing to learn?

It's true that you could learn about boundaries and communication.  But what else?  What could you learn, that is filled with compassion?  What could you learn that is filled with kindness?  What could you learn that is filled with "owning your power" instead of giving it away to someone else?  And by owning your power, I don't mean the power of your anger, I mean the power of your opening, gentleness, kindness, and love. 

And... most importantly of all... what could you learn that is filled with forgiveness.

When you can answer those questions (and they are all inner questions, and inner answers... so no one can answer them for you... and there is no right answer... and nobody can tell you,  you did it right or wrong)... when you can answer those questions... you will be ready for the kind of relationship you have always wanted.

Or at least for the relationship that will teach you the next big lesson, to prepare you to be able to function the way the relationship you have always wanted requires.

The law of attraction is a universal law.  It never fails.  And it is always accurate.

We can be in denial as much as we want, but the law of attraction never lies.

If you got blessed enough, to have an experience, you didn't like enough, to get you to change something about you... only then can you begin exuding different energy (sowing different seeds) and focusing on different things... and that draws into your life different experiences.

If, on the other hand, you become bitter, angry, indignant, and get on a cause to make him pay, teach him a lesson, and save the world from him... where is your focus?

Where is your focus?

WHERE is your focus?

It matters...

...because THAT's exactly what is determining, what you'll get more of.

For me, it came down to finally realizing that everybody is where they are.  And to just love them there.  Even the ones who were hurting me the most.  They weren't doing it because "God" hates me.  They were doing it because I was focused on it, with an expectation of something else.  They weren't living up to my requirements / demands / needs.  And it's not because THEY were rotten, it's because my demands were rotten.  The answer, was for me to let go.  Not for me to make them change.  Trying to make them change, only caused more of the same pain.  Letting go, was both my freedom... and their freedom.

When I found the truth of that, deep inside myself, I stopped trying to make (or find) a relationship.  I actually decided one didn't exist, that would love me, exactly as I am.  And I just let it all go.  And gave up on relationship altogether.

That's exactly when I found my wife.  Who, interestingly enough, had just decided the same thing.

So, here we are, in a dream relationship, where conflict is a concept that doesn't even exist.  We laugh at each other's quirks.  We laugh at each other's life lessons. We laugh at each other's self imposed limitations.  We just laugh.  And it is totally filled with love.  There is nothing she can, or could, ever do to offend me.  Since I don't have any demands, requirements, nor expectations of her.  None.  Not a single one.  And, so, we are free.  And with that kind of freedom, inside of relationship, why on earth would I ever even consider looking outside that relationship?  For anything?  There is nothing anyone else could ever offer either of us, that is worth even close to what we have.  We don't choose fidelity because the other one demands it.  We choose it because neither of us wants anything else.  Instead of demanding commitment, we each simply be the one the other would never want to leave.  Instead of demanding fidelity, we each give everything, without condition or reservation or qualification, into the relationship.  After this kind of connection, there's no kind of purely physical or even purely emotional connection that can even compare.  The only thing I want, is to be in her presence.  It's my greatest joy.  She's perfect, not because she doesn't have any faults, but because I want her faults, along with everything else.  She's perfect, not because she perfectly fits my demands, but because all I want is her, exactly how she is.  And the one thing that is true about her, is that she is exactly how she is.  That's what I want.  And that's what I have.

I don't know how to tell anybody how to create that.

I don't know how to tell someone not to have any requirements of someone else.  Everything we learn in the world is based on demands and requirements.

I don't know how to tell somebody, to be the person you want.  Everything we learn in the world teaches us to "get" (not be) what we want. (And if it's not perfect, then demand that it changes.)(and if it doesn't change easily, manipulate and threaten, or get a bigger hammer.)

I don't know how to tell somebody that only when you quit longing for something, can you draw it into your space.

I do know how to say that the feeling of "longing" uses the law of attraction to create more longing.  And "demands" uses the law of attraction to create more demands.  And "wishing" creates more wishing.  And "hoping" creates more hoping (instead of what you hope for.)

But I don't know how to put into words that "being" opens the door to receiving.  And nothing else does.

So... you got hurt... by somebody... either on Gaia... or someplace else.

Where is your focus?

What is your lesson?

How has it changed you for the better?

What is the gift?

And did you experience greater forgiveness and gratitude?

If so... you're on your way to something you've never experienced... and more of whatever you are focused on.

If not... you're up for more of what you already experienced... and more whatever you are focused on.

And just like the drunk in the gutter, I don't want anybody to "pick me up" and put me on a bench or anywhere else they think I ought to be.  I WANT to learn my lessons.  I WANT to be taught to grow in huge, deep, and powerful ways - even if they hurt.  And I WANT to experience the process, not just get to the end (despite what I say sometimes when I'm really frustrated in the middle of that process.)

And I don't want to pick anyone else up.  I want to trust the divine process of life.  I want to trust that "God" will serve up to you, the perfect experience for your life.  Even if it hurts.  And as much as I have compassion for the pain, I'm even more excited for what you will create for yourself, once you use the pain as a learning tool, and become the new you who creates different things - consciously utilizing the law of attraction to create what you want, instead of unconsciously utilizing it to create what you don't want.   And I want to support you, love you, cheer you, let you cry on my shoulder...  and cry on your shoulder when I'm stuck, or don't think I can take it anymore, or don't know how to learn the lesson, or the lesson just hurts a lot.

And... I'm grateful to be doing it with you!

And I send you a great big gigantic "Namaste'!" and honor you for doing your own work, and being a part of someone else's work as well.  What a wonderfully divine system of life.

And isn't Gaia an amazingly powerful tool?... for SO many ways to grow?

I think so too!

I already had all the tools, all along.

Every emotion we feel is an indicator; we can ignore it, or try to make it go away -- but it's the best friend we have to see where attention is needed, if we're willing to let it be, and look beneath it.  It will never indicate something that is not important.  But nobody is required to take a look.

Just sitting quietly with "what is" is the most valuable inner work tool I've found...  No matter when we think we've found bottom line, a deeper truth is always just beneath that, if we are willing to ask one more question, and be honest enough to take the lid off, and look at what is beneath it.

It's only when we get deep enough, with complete forgiveness, that the work begins to show powerful permanent outer results.

The outside is only a reflection of the inside.  If we want something different in life on the outside, trying to fix it on the outside (without handling it inside) will just put us in the same place in a different situation.

Only by finding the core belief, that is creating our outer result, and exchanging it for a belief that supports a new experience in life, can we gracefully and effortlessly change our lives on the outside.

The other option, is pounding on the outer world, trying to get a new result, while fighting an inner core belief.  That kind of a struggle is always painful, seldom fruitful, and never easy.  Outside-in changes hurt.  Inside-out changes are like walking out of a cold, dark cellar into fresh clean air.  It feels like freedom, because it's the only true freedom that exists.

How often have you felt a longing or determination to exercise more?  Find a better relationship?  Make more money?  Eat healthier?  Increase your connection with your mate?  Become financially free?  Have a  trim, fit, lithe, strong, and healthy body?  Experience a divine connection?  Get a job you love?  Experience bliss... find deep joy... or just be more happy?

That's all outer stuff.

Why, do some people have it so easy, with one (or more) of those things, yet struggle with others?  And occasionally someone seems to "have it all"?

Why can you see what your friend "should" do to fix something in his or her life, but he or she just can't seem to see, or do, what you're talking about?

Why can you set your goals, and get such a good start, and then, a few weeks later find yourself right back trying to get the motivation to get going again?

Why do so many people keep getting into the same kinds of difficult or even hurtful relationships?

Why is it so difficult to get to the gym, start that business, write that book, build up savings, or eat what we know is healthy?

It's not for lack of knowledge.  It's not for lack of desire.  It's not for lack of tools.  And most of us don't have any problem with one or two of those things. Why, then, do we struggle with the things we seem to want the most?

It's because all of those things are on the outside.  They are supported by inner beliefs, vows, and rules that perpetuate the outer results.

I just spent a week, with my wife, digging deeper inside than I've ever gone.  And it was the most intense work I've ever done.

I've been a "transformation" junky for about 15 years, using every modality, training, and technique I could get my hands on.  And loving it.

But it wasn't until I stopped all of that, and got still, and just sat with what is, that I began to experience the top of the depth that is below what I once thought was the bottom line.

The greatest tools of all, are what are already a part of us.  When an emotion is there, it is an absolute indicator that something is not giving you a result you want in your life.  It is telling you something needs to be looked at.  But rather than wondering what it might be indicating, most of us look only at the emotion, and want it to go away.  If you look at the emotion (anger, fear, sadness, frustration, discontent, anxiety, etc.) as bad... then it becomes the focus.  It becomes a bad thing -- a thing to be avoided and eliminated.  But since its root cause is based on an inner belief, vow, or rule... which is causing an imbalance... it won't ever go away permanently...

That's where the first problem is.  Most of us are excellent at getting rid of bad emotions temporarily.  The very thing that is pointing toward freedom -- but we don't like it, so we "narcotize" it away.  sleep, books, video games, Drugs (both prescription drugs such as antidepressants, as well as illegal happy drugs,) alcohol, food (especially high carbs and greasy, grounding foods,) TV, movies, hobbies, etc... and I'm going to throw in some others that may be a bit disconcerting... but it's true... many of us narcotize our emotions by using meditation, yoga, working out at the gym, sex, going for a run, dancing, singing, etc.  Those things are great for our beings, but just like a hammer can be used to build a house, or cause bodily injury, all tools (whether we think of them as good or bad) can be used constructively, or destructively.

It's only when we decide to stop trying to make it go away, and decide to use it to see what it is indicating, find it's root cause, and make a conscious new choice, that we can actually get rid of a negative emotion permanently.

Emotion, is simply an indicator.  Perhaps the greatest tool of all.

The next tool is noticing.

The next tool is allowing.

The next tool is stillness.

Unfortunately, most of us go on automatic.  When we feel something we don't like, we don't even notice; we're up and over to the fridge grabbing at some carbs and reaching for the TV remote before we even acknowledge there might have been a negative emotion.  Before long, we're blissfully off in another world, where our emotions are controlled by outer impulses.

(We are chemical beings.  The emotions we feel are chemically induced.  Polypeptides rushing through our bloodstream give us the feelings we feel.  Everything from love to anger, joy to sadness, peace to fear.  Happy chemicals can temporarily induced, both by eating, as well as sensory input.  But it is always temporary until we get the core.)

But once we stop... simply stop... and notice what's here... right now...

That's where these absolutely freely available, absolutely effective, and absolutely powerful tools begin to work.

It's an insanely terrifying thing to do.  To allow a negative emotion to simply be there.  But it is that fear that is fueling the result we are getting in our lives.  Fear is fueled by fear.  The only way out, is through.  Simply face it, let it be there, and keep asking what it is about.  Embrace it.  Be consumed by it.  Surrender to it.  And suddenly, since fear of fear is the fuel of fear, surrendering to it pulls its power plug, and we drop through into what is truly true.

So... that's where I am.

That's what I learned this week.

I'm learning what to do next.  It looks like it includes forgiveness.  And it looks like it includes consciously replacing the old belief with a new one.  And I can do that intellectually, but I want it to be on an organic level.

There are some tools out there that already work on this level -- quite a few of them.  The Journey is my favorite, at the moment.  I can use journey tools to get me there, but I really want to find this from the inside out.  I definitely recommend Journey for anybody who wants an incredibly powerful set of inner tools, a mind blowing inner adventure, and life changing healing (inside and out.)  But I'm not just looking for healing.  I'm on a quest.  This is about consciousness.  I want to find the part in me, that already knows what to do next, without having to rely on somebody else's tools.

So, this last time I dropped down through the fear, was yesterday.  I was riding home from work on my bike, and narrowly missed getting hit by a car.  As I surrendered to the fear that was pounding through my body in the form of a cold sweat, I dropped through and found myself feeling "in the way" of other people... all the time... and as I looked deeper, I had the flash of dozens and dozens of time throughout my life when I've felt that way...

But it wasn't until I asked what was deeper than that, that memories flashed in my mind of times as a small child when I felt unwanted.  Of course, with my adult brain, I can see it was just toddler logic that felt that way... nobody was out to make me feel that way... but it doesn't change the fact that the feeling caused me to form the belief that I'm always in the way.  And, to this day, because of that belief, I go out of my way, at all times, to make sure I don't ever put anyone out.  It keeps me from taking healthy risks with my business, and other outer actions, that would otherwise give me a totally different set of results in my life.  It is the cause of a debilitating perfectionist-striving where no matter how good I do something, it is never good enough fro myself.  And it keeps me always walking on eggshells, around everybody, even people who I don't need to walk on eggshells around -- who simply love me for who I am.

But it wasn't until I asked what was deeper than that, and allowed myself to go back to my birth, that I found myself wondering about my innate value.  Not as a human.  My adult brain knows I have value, and I have learned a ton of skills and knowledge so I can perform appropriately to prove it.  No, it's not that level of "worth" I'm talking about.  It's a core level fear, a bottom line wondering if someone else might not have been a better choice to be born to my family.  It's not a whiney "I'm not good enough" pity party... it's a core level questioning of my very worth-i-ness to exist.  And then all of the surface questions about whether I have what it takes to be a valuable being start piling on top.

Wow...

When that hit me, it was like a ton of bricks.  I'm not sure quite exactly what to do with it now.

I never would have thought that of myself.  I've covered it so well, so deeply, and with so many surface emotions, techniques, and tactics, that I never allowed myself to question or wonder about that.  I just avoided it altogether.

I know the Enneagram (which was developed thousands of years ago, and taught by some of the greatest philosophers of all time as secret knowledge, and has been updated using modern psychological concepts) talks about each of us having a core level issue.  And core level worthiness is one of them.  But I had never allowed myself to get that deep until just this last couple of weeks.  And I don't think innate worthiness is even the big one for me.  I think there is more to go.  So I'm still asking questions...

But even though I may have another layer or two deep to go (or more)... and even though I'm not sure what to do about it now (although I could certainly use some of the tools I've learned over the years, that others says work at this level)... I already feel a thin thread weaving through it all that feels quite a bit like joy, and has a quality of freedom to it.

My dreams this week have become vivid, intense, disconcerting, and totally different from the dreams I'm used to dreaming.

I sometimes wake up in the morning, psychologically tired, as if I have processed intensely all night...

I wonder if my dreams are working to integrate the inner work I've been doing... or if they are trying to get me back to where I used to be... or if they are supporting me in moving forward with where I'm headed with my inner work.  But since there's not much I can do about my dreams (at least I haven't learned any tools for that)... I guess I'll just surrender to them, and to the experience I'm having, and keep asking questions.

My wife is off on a spiritual adventure for a week, so when I get off work, every day this week, I've got all the time in the world to just be still and sit with whatever is here.  Who knows... this might be what I've been looking for all these years.

How great would that be, to find out I had all the tools all along?!!!